I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
