so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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