____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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