I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
