Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
