Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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