mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I didn't notice because vodka
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize