she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
