perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
