Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Me too!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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