You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
