ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
