i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
