her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
