I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
