i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
