I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
