then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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