So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
