Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
