A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
why is half of my head shaved?
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