just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
