he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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