I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
