i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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