Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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