I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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