Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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