What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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