I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
