I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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