I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
