Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
