I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
