I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
