It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
