Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
