You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize