We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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