Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
