i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
