You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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