This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I will be naked everywhere
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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