So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
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