M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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