Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
