You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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