Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
