it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i think i just lost a toe
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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