Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Non-Jews are for practice
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
