I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
