its not stalking. its research.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
