everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
