Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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