If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize