I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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