Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
