i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
