Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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