New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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