We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
