how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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