What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
