my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
