Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
