Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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