I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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