you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
