well you can't waste a boner
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just gift wrapped bread.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
