i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
