Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
